Find Yourself A Hobby, Or Die Trying?

The first time someone ever told me that I "needed a hobby", I turned down going out with my friends because I had to work the next day. I rolled my eyes, but now it makes sense.

It took me until where I am in life to realize why hobbies are so important.

This past year has been a very difficult one for me. I was at my happiest, and at my worst. When Dave and I moved here, I was avidly writing two books and finding out what it was like to truly be on my own. It was exhilarating and frightening. But it was easy because I had my hobbies to hold me through my tough times.

I blogged when I was sad or lonely, I FaceTimed almost every day and searched for jobs left and right. Then I found what I thought was my dream job.

I was so happy and thriving. I had found my people. My family. People who didn't care what I looked like, or how much I weighed, what music I liked, or if I cried because I was homesick. I was in love with my job for the first time ever.

Naturally, I fell off from my hobbies, writing, yoga, and talking to friends, diving head-deep into work. How could I be happier? Work didn't even FEEL like work. Then this year, things began to fall apart. I worked with someone who didn't like me and felt that I had it out for them, so they spread lies, and in September, I lost my job, my family, and my stability.

I was lucky enough to find another job less than a week later, but at the expense of a giant pay cut, and having to sell my horses, and taking on stress because I am continuously worrying about how I will afford life. I am trying to write a little more each week or two, hoping it will bring back some peace.

This has been a really rough patch, and folks, life isn't easy. But someday I truly believe fate will hand me something good. I am good and I do try to do good for people.

Thanks for listening to my rant. I feel lost and alone, even though I know I have support. I just wish there was an easy way out. For now, I guess we will see.

Much Love.

A.W.O.L

Hello, it's Me.

I have returned from my break of writing.

Before we begin, let me give you a piece of insight on my journey the last year.

I moved across the country, started a new job and became completely independent and alone before I was old enough to legally drink. I also had left my two horses at home, a source of therapy for me after losing a very close friend not long before. I was not prepared, and I did not want to change for my new life waiting for me in Upstate Syracuse, New York. At some point, I cut my hair in my bathroom, dyed it turquoise, got numerous tattoos on top of my ten others, and became a whole new person.

In the process, I lost myself, my fire, and my passion. My books were put on the shelf, my friendships from home, on hold. I cried more, I changed anti-depressants, and I stopped sharing my feelings with people.

I did have a short-lived friendship with two friends who tried dating for a bit, yet in the end, we fell apart on account of one being married and generally too young to know herself, the other yearning to find himself, and me being possibly the loneliest extrovert.

On New Year's Eve, David (my boyfriend if you don't remember) and I decided to go to a local bar and restaurant to ring in the new year. They were passing out free beers, but we just wanted to be low-key, our last two years were pretty "Extra". Meaning I threw up as well as pissed two hotel beds. Not fun, do not try it. EVER.
Anyways, while we were at that bar, my coworker Corina walked in with her roommate. They stayed for awhile, and eventually, it was just Corina Dave and I. Corina and I had never talked, but I envied her calm demeanor and her classy retro style. We had the same glasses and thought it was hilarious when people pointed it out. We rang in the New Year, buzzed and feeling emotional that somehow that had sealed our fate as friends.

Over time we became inseparable, she showed me how to properly care for my plants, how to dress for your body but also in what you think is cute. It gave me a new outlook on myself, inside and out. I wore clothes I loved, dressed how I wanted and stopped wearing bras because it gave me the confidence, plus almost all of my coworkers didn't wear them. I became confident, survived my first Northeast winter, was promoted at work, and became super close with another friend, Katie.

Katie listened to me when I was having a terrible day, or when I was in my worst mood. She didn't sugar coat if she thought I was being too emotional about my work, and I look at her like my sister. I trust her with anything and everything. Somehow we clicked as soon as we worked together.

Two weeks ago now, I was let go from my "Dream Job" for harassment. I was shocked and blindsided. I had no prior history or information. I was told to turn in my keys and sign a paper. That was that. I emailed asking for more information and was turned down. This was right before I left for Portland to visit my family. I was now broke, depressed, and second-guessing anything I had ever said to someone.

That was also what I needed. A complete break. I went home, saw old friends, my parents, Kerrigan, cried, cut my hair, did my nails, went shooting with my dad, and went to a Timbers soccer match. It was the best cleansing experience someone could have in a time like that. I filled out applications daily, and when I came back, started working as a barista at a four-star restaurant. I work bankers hours, I have weekends off with Dave, and I make twice as much.

Like I said, this year has been the biggest change in my life thus far. From moving to losing what I thought was my career. Everyone who has floated in and out of my life the last sixteen months, Thank you.

It has been as crazy and dynamic as this blog. I finally feel well enough to sit down, open this laptop, and start typing.

I guess my word to the wise today is no matter what you're struggling with right now, whether it is depression, or a breakup, or maybe its money. Whatever it is, remember that if you have a goal, and you work hard, you'll get there. Keep your chin up on your rainiest days. You can do it. I am here for you and so many others are. I truly believe that everything does happen for a reason. Even though some things are really fucked up.

I love you, and I will see you soon.
Xoxo
-Basic as Hell

Ringing In The New Year

Portland Blog maybe?

Food, veganism, depression, east coast learning, west coast longing, etc.

With the coming of the new year, so many things were welcomed into my life.

I officially became vegan again, I started a new anti-depressant which hopefully will be close to my last one. I visited home, saw my doctors, got new eyeglass prescriptions, saw and talked to west coast friends I hadn't spoken to in awhile.

Might I add to any friends who are reading this, I have moved and started settling in. I have not forgotten about you. I simply am trying to cope and adjust to living far away from everyone.

I was very hurt when I stopped hearing from my friends when I first moved. But then I realized when I stopped contacting them in return that it wasn't to hurt me, it was because they woke up, went to work, school, ate, worked out, cooked, cleaned, loved their partners/dogs/animals and went to sleep. I am supposed to expect that out of your sixteen hour day that you are supposed to pay attention to me?

No. I move on and make a life here and we talk when we can like old friends. That is what you do when you are an adult.

As for here, might I add that this has been the hardest, yet best move I have made in my short life. But who knows, maybe I have more moves to make?

When I first moved here, I cried every night because I was so lonely.
Now I go to bed each night excited to wake up and go to work.

Speaking of work let's talk about how I found my dream job. Sorry guys, this blog is going to be huge, but life has given me a large opportunity and it would be selfish to not share.