Hashtag Summer 2 k Fourteen Everybody

It's that time of the year again, minimal clothing is worn, air conditioner is blasting, and curfew has no meaning for the next three to four months. 

But, if you are like me, you work, clean, cook, do school stuff during the summer, mind you, and sleep little in between all of that. So, like I said, if you are like me, you do not know what the beach looks like this time of the year, if your bathing suit still fits you, or even if you have a set curfew anymore. 

However, lately, work has a certain normality to it, with so much change happening, one set thing is nice to assist along transitions. I have met so many new people at work, I never thought I would like so many people at a workplace before. The first day I arrived they treated me as if I had been there forever. 

I do work at a store, yet it is not what I thought it would ever be. I pictured minimum wage work to be mindless tail end work. Boy, was I ever wrong. Every day I burn no less than a few thousand calories, I lift, push, squat, curl, everything I never pictured I would be doing at A CONVENIENT STORE. But, you know what?

I could not be happier anywhere else. I love what I do, I love who I work with, who is above me, the people I meet every day, it is truly a breath of fresh every day when I clock on. I am super exhausted though. These last couple weeks have been pretty rough, and have taken a toll on my mental and physical health.

The summer is winding down, and I can not wait to see my best friend again, though I am not sure what to expect, or how much she missed me as well. Earlier this week, though, I went into the hospital and had a procedure done, pertaining to a sickness I have dealt with since I was three years old, and they took some biopsies I was told I would hear back from later that month.

Not even a week later I got a call back saying I needed to come in very soon,  seeing as I have a rare disease that Causes inflammation inside of my gastrointestinal track, and that would explain many things, But here is the tricky part; How far has it spread? So I am going in soon to get another test and hopefully I will figure this out.

I am not sure what it means for my health, if it means I will live a shorter life, if it is benign, how much it will affect me, if anything will change, but that is why we have doctors, healers.

I didn't tell my friends, because it isn't their problem to worry about and once I have all of the information then maybe I will tell them, but for now, it is just me and my family's problem.

Enjoy your summers, they will end quickly, and you will begin the large, and long road called life, and careers, with no summer holiday, and sometimes no holidays at all! That is why we get good degrees so we can get good jobs ;-)

Until next time!
                          - Pensive and Persistant

Check In... On Myself And Others

I haven't posted for a while, have I? To tell the truth,  it was because I was having a hard time.  For a while I checked out of everything and everyone.  But, I am feeling much better. Sometimes I feel down, but I get myself back up. I've taken on a new hobby as of late. I've been gardening with my mother and my grandmother.  It is really stress relieving, and it is quiet. I do have a small lesson for today , not just speaking about myself. Sometimes, when I am feeling down, or wish I was not 10 pounds over, or better in school. Whatever it is. I figure out that if I want a change, no one but me will make that change. If I want to lose those ten pounds, and do it HEALTHILY, then all I need to do is eat healthy and work for it. If I want to be better in school or at sports or even drama, then I study until I feel I am ready. Ask questions and get those answers. Someone very smart, (and someone with a doctorate) once told me if I was feeling upset or sad, then if I repeat this phrase and everything will be alright,  however the outcome. "I am worries about this problem, but I am learning to be okay with myself. Right here, right now". This phrase gets me through just about any bad or stressful thing that approaches me throughout my day of working or school or even acting. So please, find that phrase. Use it when you need, and live. Never second guess yourself. You're too nervous to try out for something? Remember: It is always a "no", until you try. Always.  So have a beautiful life, and remember to be okay with yourself.  Right here, right now.

Sincerely,
                   Successful and Serene

Melancholy's The Word

Usually, my posts are inspirational, happy or even just nostalgic. This is coming from someone who has written maybe four? But today, after being in a great morning mood, to having a fall out of none other than my friends, whom I care more about than really anything, well, I have to write it down somewhere. I have known my friends since who knows how long, and they are always there for me when I need it, but since  graduation is around the corner, tension is up as well as moods. Today, we were all having a great time, and out of nowhere, everyone's day turned to, well, pure crap. It seems to be over small things, and I'm not sure why. I think that the types of friends I have, aside from maybe one or two, or the mixture we are together, we make one big toxic bomb. We uses to be so carefree, and not have to seem others attention; now, I don't remember a day where it is not like that. I am at a Loss of what to do any more, evoke myself out of the group, or  just sit back and hope maybe I am just being too sensitive in caring for the well being of my friends. Someday, I'll figure out what went wrong. Hopefully it won't be the ugly truth: me.

I apologize for the rant, or anyone who reads this. I hope the right people read this. Maybe people who are having issues with their friends or maybe are the problem. I'm telling you now, it's better to  try to fix it while you can before you lose them all over something dumb like you can't find the thesis... 

-- Sincerely Somber...?

Post Valentines Shivers

Hello my fellow people! I miss you! Sometimes I wish I could know who was reading these. Maybe not who, but just that someone was reading these so I could sleep peacefully. Let's be honest, I never sleep peacefully, as my friend says, Welcome to the world of insomniacs. 

Here is my story today: 

Sometimes, in life, you attempt at dating, and let's face the facts: you hit a lot of dead ends, and it becomes boring, and later you realize; I am better off by myself. I am independent and can get everything done better by myself faster without a ball and chain. 

But as you go through your years of struggling with everyday functioning, you find you miss telling someone about the bad night you had, or the nightmare you had, etc. you also miss the movie partner you had, that you could watch any movie with and they wouldn't judge you when you spilt the popcorn because you were scared out of your pantaloons. But you continue to stay strong because you are a independent person. And it gets better. You develop a friendship with your guy/girlfriend, who you find, is so comfortable to be around, even though they have a girlfriend or boyfriend. 

You guys become best friends, and you start to realize how much you guys have in common ; music, gaming, dancing, being "old souls", hobbies, etc. you're practically kindred spirits. Does it bring you closer as friends or more? You're confused, because they are so comfortable around you with their S.O around and you don't know how to act. GIVE ME A SIGN! 

Frustration setting in: you decided to take the friend route, because you three, (your best friend and their significant other) are all great friends, and you do not want to ruin anything, plus, you're independent! Why have a ball and chain?! 

Why am I talking about this? Because this might be a situation I went through or am going through. I'm here to say, keep the best friend, because once the "friendzone" is gone, If something goes wrong, there's no possible way to go back. 

Hang in there, friend. 

Sincerely, 

    

             Dazed and Confused

Not A Newt, My Good Fellow, A Niche

What is your niche or rather, hobby, in life? Is it playing golf at your local course? Or maybe drawing or painting what comes to mind. Perhaps it is music, photography, video games, the possibilities are endless. My hobby is yoga, as well as mediating after. Whenever I am feeling stressed, I meditate, but nightly, I take out my yoga mat, light some candles, kill the lights and start my yoga session. 

The great thing about having your hobby, is it makes you happy, and you know what they say about smiling? If you smile a lot, you're surely destined to live longer.

When I'm done with my yoga, I feel refreshed and happy and thoughtful. The main point of your hobby is to center yourself and give time to spend with, well, you. You are worth it, I am worth it, so find what makes you happy, it has taken me until this year to find my happiness, but now I am super-happy, because I have something to look forward to every night. The thing that makes it the best though, is if you have someone to share it with, especially a very good friend. 

As an update with my life, that is if anyone minds or cares, kekeke ^^ 

With my chamber choir, a quartet male accapella group is coming to town to clinic with us, and then have a concert for us, where we will get some of their profits, hopefully to fund our state trip. Exciting! So for now, life is great.

Do for now, keep your head up, do what you love, as log as it is eatly, and always have someone to share it with. Rember, you don't always need a "lover" figure, independence is empowering :)

-- A Word From The pensive 

Cupid, And A BIT Of Insight... Or My Opinion?

Valentine's Day approaches, and the day of over-exaggerated feelings and commercial love products is put into the spotlight. It's all so wonderful, isn't it? For us single people, we prefer to curl up on the couch, eat chocolate, and watch romantic comedies where the girl always gets the boy! OH, how it is terrible and sickly, yet somehow we can not stop the feeling of loving the movies, because they are ten times better than reality sometimes. But if you are anything like me, you will find any way to make life just like the movies, and  relieve the stress and crap from everyday life.

How do I handle times like this, with the social pressure to admit my spontaneous love to someone with song and dance? Well, let me tell you in this song! Just kidding, I have been doing yoga, for a while, my friend, Clara showed me to a yoga class, and I absolutely fell in love. I have not been able to go back, but I religiously do it in my house mornings and nights with a woman who posts videos and classes online. I also meditate regularly or when I am able to after yoga, which relieves stress, and gives me the ability to clear my mind even for a mere five minutes, which can take a weeks' worth of stress off.

I created this blog also, I've always dreamt of having a blog where I could post little stories or thoughts, or advice, and people could comment, and life would be happy! ha, just kidding. Truth is, that is not the only thing that makes me the almost constant happy person I am today, minus the background depressive annoyances every now and then.

Over the summer, my one of my best friends, Emma, showed me to a new religion, or really, a way of improving myself, and to keep myself positive and happy. It is not a faith to anyone, just a faith to myself, and one where I can focus all my energy on keeping myself healthy, as well as my family, friends, and peers. I was completely changed by it, and now I am more, at peace with myself and the world. Thanks to her, I am sure I would be more gossip-like, as well as harbor lots of anger.

I believe that all people are good, whether they outwardly show it or not, it just takes the right person to bring it out of them. So if you are reading this, and I bore you, at least bring one thing out of this; always think of the good in every person you see, even your worst enemy. Someday, you might have no one, and because you showed a bit of caring, they might be there for you.

Oh, and by the way, a great movie to watch on the fourteenth is The Wedding Date, starring Debra Messing,  partnered with mint chocolate-chip ice cream, if you can have that. Happy Valentine's Day!

 -- A Word From The Half Wise

What A Beautiful Life It Is...Not?

I have BIG plans for my life after I get out of high school.

That is, if I ever DO get out. Lately the window of opportunity seems to be closing in and really, the stress has kicked in. I went to a concert last night with a few of my friends, and the main band did not come on until ten! I go to bed at nine. Totally worth it though when I came home I smelled badly of marijuana. Funny, because I have never even seen the drug, so smelling it was quite overwhelming. The night was great, but when I got home, my father said "You won't be doing that ever again." I told him I figured I wouldn't be able to.

It's really a ride being me. I have always followed the rules, gotten good grades, and been the good child, so me being able to go out to Portland at night is quite difficult for me or my parents to swallow. I have wanted to try out for my school's musical, we are producing Hello Dolly! but I am so nervous and I am worried about my grades I don't think I can do it. Auditions are soon, really soon.

Sometimes I wonder what I will do with my life, how I will survive, or get by without people to help me, and hope that I will be alright. That is why I started doing yoga, Vinyasa Yoga to be exact. It helps me calm down. Some days are alright, some days like today, I can not wait to talk to someone who will confirm to me that I will be alright and my feelings are totally normal. I need to meditate more as well. I do a lot of processes that help me calm myself and maybe they worry me more? Who knows.

I've done a lot of dumb and dramatic things in my life... And by that I mean complain about my life and obsess over Gothic boy bands. Now, I am making amends with the universe, and trying to find my center before I go off to college and lose myself to partying, which I hope I never am subjected to. So that is my big plan. Survive the rest of my high school year, and as soon as I graduate, get a job, and start over, brand new, clean slate.

What a beautiful life it is, isn't it?