I Literally Could Not Even...?

Ever feel so overwhelmed that you want to lay in bed until you are invisible?

                       Take a break - I did, and it saved my crazy!

Six weeks ago I lost a friend, a relationship, my happiness, and said hello to my worst depression ever.

But then in the middle of the night, I texted my sister and said "I need a break, I need to get away" and that morning she texted and said come to Chicago and bought my ticket for an eight day vacation.

And as the day came, I was not excited but when at the end of this trip I am realizing how much good it has done for me.

The first half of my trip I spent sick and not feeling well at all, and sleeping so much. I mean there was a time difference, but still I slept a lot, and ate very little.

I think the ideal vacation would be as following but note that usually there is never the perfect vacation. I mean hey, I spent the first half of my vacation absolutely sick and sleeping so much trying to get my body back to a somewhat alive state.

Note: DO NOT forget if you are taking an airplane to your escape, to drink a lot of water. the altitude dehydrates you, and trust me the consequences are not worth refusing the clear aquarian goodness.

Day 1: REST

Literally lounge, watch some movies, sleep, eat junk food.
   (If you're going to get sick, this is the time)

Day 2: LOUNGE

Sleep in, and I mean long. Until noon. We can still do it even though we are adults! It takes a couple tries at getting back to sleep but it works!
Go on  a walk, go to the beach, or to a river, lay in the yard, soak up the sun. Take it easy but get outside and get fresh air.
   (If you're sick, drink lots of water, have ginger ale or sprite, and sleep. And please eat some protein.)

Day 3: EXPLORE

Today is the day to start doing some fun things! Go to a museum, an aquarium, a drive-in theatre, Do exactly what sounds fun with whoever you are with. Go to some historical sites or take a tour bus, touristing is actually very fun. Take pictures and have so much fun! Let go!
    (Sick still? Don't worry, if you have been sleeping, you should be better soon, sleeping heals your body so stay in that bed or on that couch and sleep it off!)

Day 4: TIME TO SHOP

Hopefully by this time you have gotten over being sick and you body has purged everything so we are merging this message into one. Today is the day to go explore all of the shops or as many as you can fit into one short day. Shop, but also keep in mind what you can take back, if you can ship anything back for free or if you have room, or another bag, or can buy a cheap bag, etc. But girl we all love shopping so run wild!

Day 5: TRY FOOD AND SWEETS

Try new food. On vacation you shouldn't be eating food that you know you like and you have had before. In an area that has a food or pastry you have always wanted to try? Yelp a place that has the best ones nearby and go try it! Want to try a new food or cultural cuisine? Have at it! But be careful about where you go, food poisoning is very real.

(I suggest cannolis :-) )

This is tentative, but the basic idea is give yourself a few days at the beginning and end, if your break allows it, to settle in - relax - be stress sick - whatever, so you can be ready for the rest of the time you are there and fully enjoy it. And then time at the end to start packing up a little and reorganizing, getting things in order, figuring out how you are going to transport all the new loot you obtained, etc.

And in the middle? FUN, everything fun!!

Well, that's all for now folks, see you Monday! And take a break, it helps :-) and maybe a hike or two.
-Relaxed and Rested Via Chicago

When The Going Gets Tough...

Well hello my friendly people,

You all probably wondered where I had gone.

Truthfully, I wondered it too. I still do every now and then. Sometimes I still look in the mirror and wonder if that really is me who is standing right there.

A little over one month ago I lost one of the most important and influential people in my life. One of my best friends. And it tore my life apart. I can still remember the phone call I got and the words that I could not believe.

Ever since that moment I have been struggling to keep whatever pieces of me dangling together, and let me be honest with you I am doing the worst job at it. I used to be this strong,  independent person and now I feel like the weakest of them all.

Our community and friends are like pins in bowling and the ball came in like a tornado, fast and unforgiving.

And truthfully I feel like I am unable to handle anything else that comes along. So much has happened lately, and I have not handled it well, though I have been told I am taking it all very well.

And maybe that is what they all see from the outside, but I have never been more broken. I never knew what hitting rock bottom felt like until May came around. I have had so many days where I felt like I would be so much happier if I just didn't feel at all. If my life came to an end.
There were times where I almost drove off the side of the road because I had no feeling anymore.

But then I read as I was randomly googling one night, this suicide blog, and it was a person just talking to me like I was a unique person they knew. And they said something that really stuck with me.

People commit suicide or think about it because they think it would give them relief, (which is so true, that has gone through my mind so much this month). But if you are dead, you can't feel anything. And you don't know what happens after, and that is scarier then feeling these awful feelings because at least you are in control.

And that is so true. That has been in my mind ever since I read it. Also, it doesn't just effect you. It effects everyone who cares about you.

I made a list of everyone it would hurt that I would feel bad about it, and that guilt kept me from it.
The other thing that kept me from it was every time I had feelings like that I would tell someone that I trusted to just listen, and get it all out, so it wasn't just trapped inside my head.

If there is one thing I have learned throughout this still ongoing experience, is that if you keep things inside your head, they just get worse, and make you feel crazy, but if you get them out and talk about them or write them down you will always feel better. So talk about it or write it down and burn it or whatever.  I swear by it!

In this last month, I have lost someone so special, lost a love then stuck around, been sexually harassed, dealt with anxiety and depression and bills and a boss who verbally harasses everyone on our staff.
But I make it work. And yes I have to take an antidepressant but it's because I cannot function without it, and I am for serotonin inhibitors if they work for people!

My main reason for putting this up is that you all aren't alone. And if you ever need an ear, I am hear, and I will listen, because I know what it is like to just want a listening wall.

Here is the website, I suggest a good read when you're having a bad day, this one is saved to my homepage, with some others, but it is my favorite :-)

http://www.metanoia.org/suicide/

Good luck my sheaps <3

-Loved and Enough