I have BIG plans for my life after I get out of high school.
That is, if I ever DO get out. Lately the window of opportunity seems to be closing in and really, the stress has kicked in. I went to a concert last night with a few of my friends, and the main band did not come on until ten! I go to bed at nine. Totally worth it though when I came home I smelled badly of marijuana. Funny, because I have never even seen the drug, so smelling it was quite overwhelming. The night was great, but when I got home, my father said "You won't be doing that ever again." I told him I figured I wouldn't be able to.
It's really a ride being me. I have always followed the rules, gotten good grades, and been the good child, so me being able to go out to Portland at night is quite difficult for me or my parents to swallow. I have wanted to try out for my school's musical, we are producing Hello Dolly! but I am so nervous and I am worried about my grades I don't think I can do it. Auditions are soon, really soon.
Sometimes I wonder what I will do with my life, how I will survive, or get by without people to help me, and hope that I will be alright. That is why I started doing yoga, Vinyasa Yoga to be exact. It helps me calm down. Some days are alright, some days like today, I can not wait to talk to someone who will confirm to me that I will be alright and my feelings are totally normal. I need to meditate more as well. I do a lot of processes that help me calm myself and maybe they worry me more? Who knows.
I've done a lot of dumb and dramatic things in my life... And by that I mean complain about my life and obsess over Gothic boy bands. Now, I am making amends with the universe, and trying to find my center before I go off to college and lose myself to partying, which I hope I never am subjected to. So that is my big plan. Survive the rest of my high school year, and as soon as I graduate, get a job, and start over, brand new, clean slate.
What a beautiful life it is, isn't it?
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